RITA
by Arien Halfelven
Summary: Not included in the original story, uncensored adventure on Punk Hazard. Caesar is a gas genius, Sanji only thinks of it, Zoro will accept any challenge, and Law really didn't want to remember Corazon that way...


Translation of my fanfiction "ZUZA", by the one and only Clio Selene. This year's birthday gifts have worked magnificently for me to not feel any year older but a hundred years happier. Thank you so much, Clio!

Not included in the original story, uncensored adventure on Punk Hazard. Caesar is a gas genius, Sanji only thinks of it, Zoro will accept any challenge, and Law really didn't want to remember Corazon that way...

**RITA**

Caesar Clown was laughing like a total nut.

Chopper undoubtedly would want to examine him. Although, judging from the glare in the reindeer's eyes when he'd talked with the prisoners of Punk Hazard, the doctor's order for Caesar would be: examining, butchering, treating and then double butchering.

Luffy wanted only to butcher.

He wanted to subject Caesar's face to rubber cannonade until smoke got from his ears and flied to the East Blue. He wanted to batter the bastard until he regretted his awful experiments and torturing people.

For some reason, Caesar didn't want to collaborate.

Luffy caught up to him in another strange room filled with screens and control desks. He really wanted to beat the guy already, but the host just wouldn't co-operate. Instead of honourably accepting the fight with the future Pirate King, the gas ghost placed himself on the wide shelf just below the ceiling and, cackling like a madman, kept setting the screens to show some rooms.

"Get down, Caesar!" Luffy urged him. He could knock the bastard with just one move of his rubber arm, but hitting the gaseous Logia required some concentration. At the moment, he didn't feel like concentrating; he just wanted to punch blindly. He still hoped Caesar Clown would accommodate him.

People usually accommodated Luffy.

"Get down! I'll paste you all the way to Skypiea!"

"Hahahahahahaha! Shirururururu!" The mad scientist laughed so hard he dribbled. "You want to beat me?! I'm a genius, brat! I have absolute power here! You were sentenced to death the moment you landed on my island, you and your pathetic crew! None of you will survive my great inventions!"

"Yeah, yeah." Luffy stamped his foot. "Get down! My friends won't be fooled by your stinking jellies."

"STINKING?!" Caesar nearly fell from his perch, enraged by the pirate insulting his scientific achievements. "I create the most exquisite poisons in the whole New World! I'm an unrivalled master of chemical weapons! I'm going to wipe you out, all of you! I'll pour acid on you and observe you disintegrate on the molecular level!"

Luffy yawned. He was getting hungry. If only he could find and roast another dragon... That, what was his name, Megapunk? Vegepunk? His creations could be at least grilled... And what about this bloody horned buffoon here?! There was no use of his poisonous gaspoops and gel glues. Not a single snack in all this labyrinth! That pneumatic dork might really shut up and get down already. Any moment longer and they would miss a supper!

"Get down, Caesar!" Luffy shot his arm at the scientist, hitting the wall next to his nose, but Caesar didn't even flinch. His eyes focused on the controller, he set the screens; now all of them showed fragments of a single room. It didn't look like a kitchen, or even a warehouse. The future Pirate King immediately lost his interest and tried to attack again. "Get down, Caesar!" The rubber fist clad in Haki banged at the ceiling over the scientist head, who laughed and raised his arms.

"You think you can as much as touch me, swinging your arms blindly, you fool?! I'm a bodiless perfection! You can't hit me! You can't move me! You'll never defeat me! As for your pathetic crew, I plan to destroy them soon! You're going to look how my sweetest poison kills them!"

Luffy hit the ceiling several times. The hooks keeping Caesar's impromptu seat seemed to become loose. Even Logia would have a consistency crisis suddenly having lost its footing. And then Luffy would finally pummel that trash talking bastard.

"Ah, my pretty, my wonderful RITA!"

Luffy was bad with names, but he could swear that no girl released from the Biscuit Room was called Rita. Maybe it was that green bird-woman's name?

"My beloved! My fantastic! My magnificent! My charming!"

Finally, the future Pirate King took interest in the scientist's talk. Caesar was cooing over that sweet Rita like Usopp over an exploding cactus. Luffy respected other people's obsessions greatly. Usually, it was those obsessions that he loved them for.

"Rita-chan?" he asked curiously.

"RITA!" The gas genius cast him a furious glance. "My beautiful, wonderful RITA! The one and only Ruinous Impression of Total Annihilation! The most sublime death in a fragrant cloud!"

"Ah," Luffy hid his disappointment in another yawn. Another boring poison. Nothing new. Phew.

Caesar, on his part, pointed at the screens displaying a large room. "Look and tremble, insolent brat! You're going to see in person how my RITA devours your worthless comrades! The first will enter the next minute! It's the end, Straw Hat!"

This time Luffy stared with a genuine curiosity. It would be good to know what his friends were doing. "Ridiculous Impostor of Torta... What?" He tried to remember the name of that thing... that was nowhere to be seen? The room was empty, except for a large, metal platform with small vents on its edges.

"RUINOUS IMPRESSION OF TOTAL ANNIHILATION!" Caesar swayed furiously on his perch. "The poison gas of new generation! A complete revelation! You can't even imagine, Straw Hat, what heights I achieved in the art of chemical warfare! RITA is released automatically when someone enters the room. From that moment it acts on its own! Irreversible! Unstoppable! Gas attacks the victim, infiltrates their nervous system and reads their memory!"

"Oh," Luffy yawned. Caesar and his gases... Boring!

"The gas molecules analyse the innermost thoughts of the victim!" The scientist waved his hands and praised his invention like a cunning market wife. "The strongest obsession is then isolated, and the next moment-am I not a genius?-gas creates a clone right from the victim's dreams!"

Bleh. Luffy winced and shook his head. He didn't like clones. "A puffy one?" he asked to kill time. "You know, a flying cloud with a picture of, say, Gol D. Roger?"

"What do you take me for, brat?!" Caesar fumed. "My RITA creates full-sized, substantial illusions! They are perfect! Real! They are just like the original, kept in the memory!"

Monkey D. Luffy thought of a Going Merry-shaped cloud and sighed nostalgically, "Oh."

"The victim is either paralysed and shocked, or immediately plunges into interaction with the clone or drop in awe before my genius, all the same!" Caesar kept bragging. "The clone is but a distracting element. When the victim is busy with the clone, gas envelopes their body unnoticed and starts to suck their energy molecules! Bit by bit, drop by drop, my enemies are absorbed by RITA! The gas surface is getting bigger with every attack, and the fools that dared to oppose me turn into a bone pile!"

Luffy winced again. He really preferred Vegapunk's approach. What could you do with naked bones? Even Sanji wouldn't turn them into anything edible.

Sanji?

The captain of the Straw Hats frowned. His personal cook had just run into the suspicious room. Torao-chan had already put the pirates' bodies in order, so it was undoubtedly Sanji in person.

"Oh."

* * *

Sanji cursed his bad luck, looking distrustfully around the corridors. In the maze of strange laboratories, he'd somehow managed to become separated from his comrades and was now walking all alone, lost like Zoro on a straight road. Damn it all. He should immediately find Nami-san; she certainly needed him to serve her. The door at the end of the corridor was open-could it be the passage to the next complex? He went inside and quickly realised it was but another laboratory. The door, however, closed behind him right away and didn't want to open. Damn it!

He lit a cigarette and walked the room around, glaring suspiciously. Not much was here: bare walls, a platform and some vents. No doubt, it was a gas chamber of that cursed Clown. The cook of the Straw Hats smirked and adjusted his tie. Years in Baratie amongst Carne's burned sauces and packs of cigarettes made him immune to every chemical weapon. Let that self-proclaimed genius show what he was worth. Black Leg Sanji would deal with any stink.

He couldn't see the pale strips of gas slip under his skin and peek into the recesses of his soul.

But he heard a rustle and turned immediately to the platform. He had to rub his eyes. He hadn't seen that coming.

A girl.

Beautiful like a roast with plum, sweet like a meringue cake, wonderful like a courgette cream, splendid like a stuffed avocado. The breathtaking, lovely girl sat down at the edge of the platform. The cook was paralysed, and his nose started to drip blood.

A marvel!

The girl had sweet, helpless mouth, beautiful big eyes and a mane of golden hair decorated with a red ribbon. As for her clothes, she only wore a short red gown, embroidered with some bindweeds or dragon tails; it resembled a kimono and hardly concealed the lady's charms. She desperately kept pulling closer the scanty robe as if she tied to cover herself, but Sanji's hungry eyes could spot the white flesh every now and then.

A marvel!

For a moment, the pirate stood frozen, staring at the nubile curves of the stranger, unable to move. His nose was bleeding, his heart was racing, and his ears were humming.

A marvel!

Finally, Sanji overcame his shock. Forgetting all about the kitchen hygiene, he wiped his nose with a sleeve and made for the object of his innermost dreams that had come here from Heaven. At first, he took one step and sighed blissfully.

He didn't see the pale strips of gas touching his cheeks and neck, slowly covering his whole body.

Sanji took another step. And the girl raised her head, looked him in the eye-and waved encouragingly.

A marvel!

He would be by her side in a split second. He would kiss her ravishing lips, caress her godlike body and exchange the most beautiful words of love. But then the door was pushed inside and banged against the floor, cut with a katana from the outside.

"DAMN YOU, MARIMO JERK!"

* * *

Staring at the screen, Luffy started to worry about Sanji, who kept standing frozen and letting himself be gassed. However, Zoro's coming raised his spirit right away; he smiled widely and straightened his hat.

"Everything like I planned!" Caesar Clown beamed. "Now you'll see how RITA controls two objects at the same time! We're going to kill two birds with one stone!"

Luffy frowned. He'd gladly eat a bird. Did that moron really try to gas Sanji and Zoro together?

Was there anyone as stupid as to put Sanji and Zoro into one trap?

Now that was funny.

* * *

"Damn you, marimo blockhead! Get out of here! Go and get lost somewhere else! We are busy here!"

"You perverted cook, snap out of it! You got inside, and the door closed behind you! You were caught by some boobs?! You pathetic erotomaniac!"

"Get lost before I kill you and present my beloved as a gift, you mediocre fencer!"

"Ugh!"

RITA was an incredible invention. The complex mechanism of the gas molecules were able to isolate the innermost obsessions from human nervous system and turn them into weapon. It didn't matter if there was one victim or more. RITA knew she could meet a challenge. Master Caesar Clown would be proud of her. The noiseless gas tentacles invaded Zoro's mind and located the right obsession. RITA was a weapon for immediate adaptation, programmed for complete domination. The gas molecules updated their data with a new pattern and started to act. The clone on the podest got up, revealing nicely-shaped, bare tights.

No-one paid attention.

"I'm going to slice you, dork! If you want it so much, then go and insalivate Caesar's damn pipes!"

"You will try, third-rate swordsman! I'll mix that marimo with your brain... if only I find any! You hopeless loser! Why did you follow me?! You were scared that you might get lost?!"

"Now that's enough! I'm going to leave you here for scrapping, but first let me break your neck, disgusting cook!"

They yelled at one another and waved their fists so energetically that, without even knowing, they efficiently dispelled the thin layer of gas trying to possess their bodies. RITA knitted the clone's brows and stamped one shapely foot. All required changes had been implemented already. She would deal with the Master's enemies herself. She let the gas cloud retreat and wait for the best moment in the corners by the wall. First RITA, Caesar Clown's pride, would possess the both bodies herself.

She needed to clear her throat really loud until the intruders noticed her again.

She raised the pheromone emission three-fold. She cleared her throat once more and stomped. She activated the highest, fivefold dose of pheromones.

Sanji glanced - and frowned. "Oh?"

Zoro glanced - and froze.

WHAT?!

Zoro knew perfectly well that it was some sick dream. Probably that sod Caesar intoxicated him with some poisonous gas. Damn him and that stupid cook. Damn it all. Damn it.

Kuina was smiling at him from the platform.

Of course, it couldn't have been Kuina. It wasn't Kuina. It didn't matter she looked like Kuina with that flash in her eyes and Wadou Ichimonji in the proper attack position. It didn't matter she had Kuina's face, Kuina's posture and Kuina's weapon.

Those certainly weren't Kuina's boobs.

The swordsman nervously shifted his legs, unsure what to do. Attack? Ignore? It was quite hard to ignore something like that. The girl on the platform turned partially into Kuina, and did it so realistically that for a moment he felt like reaching to his friend's face and wait for her punch, just like she'd used to respond. However, that girl's - damn woman's - body was so mature like Kuina's nightmares then: full breast, rounded hips, nubile curves everywhere the red kimono didn't reach. Was it some bad joke?! The girl with the painfully familiar face had let the gown loose already; underneath she had casually wrapped linen straps, which was what his long lost friend would wear under her training clothes. If Kuina had lived and spent last ten years in a sado-maso borthel, it would be how she'd greet Zoro after all that separation.

She waved at him. "Come here!" She stomped. An order, not a request. Kuina hadn't used to ask. "Well, come! Fight me!" She raised Wadō Ichimonji. "Come!"

For a moment, he flew to another time and another place, where that voice would urge him to the next escapade, adventure and clash.

Roronoa Zoro took one step towards the ghost.

Sanji didn't mean to complain; his beloved one could be offended. He did prefer gold and exuberant hair from short and black, and the women from his fantasies didn't keep the swords. But, it would be impolite to pout, and Black Leg Sanji was a politeness incarnate when around the ladies. Especially around the nicely equipped girls in red dressing gowns. Right before his eyes, the sweet missy had turned into an armed perky warrior, but for Sanji she was still a marvel worthy his admiration. How cutely she was waving at him with her little hand! How mischievously she was stomping her little foot! What pleasures her delicious curves promised!

He took one step towards the paradise.

* * *

Monkey D. Luffy yawned. The blonde was funny, but he knew already a thing or two about the black haired girl with the white sword, and no longer felt amused. Of course Zoro would manage. But his captain didn't plan to stand idle either.

"I'm hungry," he complained loudly. "Let's get over with this nonsense, I need Sanji to feed me! I'm going to kick your ass and pack all gas into your belly."

"It's too late, Straw Hat! Hahahashashirurururururu!" Caesar was laughing on his shelf under the ceiling. "My gas is already working! RITA is devouring your pathetic pirates! And you can't even touch me! It's going to over soon! My poison will feast on their bodies! Look and tremble! You're going to be next!"

Before Luffy could remind his host that a captain should always be first, especially for meat, the situation on the screen changed once again. Unsheathed sword in hand, another pirate entered the room.

Ah, no, a pirate captain.

"Oh!" Luffy beamed. With every passing moment he liked more and more his new... ally? It sounded cold and distant, and the future Pirate King believed in the simple and potent terms.

'Friend' was much better than 'ally'.

"Torao! Torao!" he waved at the screen, altough Trafalgar Law couldn't really see him. Luffy grinned nonetheless. "Get them, Torao!"

"Hahashashashirururururururu!" the scientist laughed mockingly. "Don't think Law will make any difference! My RITA will perfectly take care of everyone! Those three morons are dead and digested! There's no escape from that great poison! What a wonderful surprise! Law walked into my trap himself! RITA is going to get his brain! I'll show that bastard for trying to betray me! I'll take his head to Joker!"

Luffy negligently punched the ceiling over Caesar's head. The brackets under the shelf made a light sound. They wouldn't last much longer. Ah, he still had time to look at the screens. What did Torao-chan like? White bears, perhaps? Would the clone turn into a white bear in a red dressing gown for him?

* * *

Trafalgar D. Water Law stopped right before the threshold, in case any trap was there. That damn Caesar had installed many crazy surprises. Law had managed to examine quite a big part of the Punk Hazard complex, but he had no doubts there were still many unpleasant secrets here.

"Misters Straw Hats! Get out of here!" he urged the pirates. He had no idea what vapours they had got themselves into, but he hoped it was still not too late for them. The cook and the first mate of the Straw Hatter shouldn't die like laboratory mice in the poisonous cloud. "Misters Straw Hats! Run!"

They, at least, glanced at him; he noticed that their attention was focused at the woman on the metal platform, waving at them encouragingly with one hand and swinging a beautiful katana with the other. The sword looked familiar, but Law didn't have time to wonder about it now. The woman was either one of Caesar's assassins or projection of his defence system.

"It's a trap!" he called again.

The cook of the Straw Hats shook his head. "I'm going to my sweetest one..."

The swordsman snapped at him like a mad wolf. "You think I'll let you grope her, you perverted child molester?!"

"Bugger off, you caveman! My lady is calling me! I'll go to her even over your dead body!"

"Leave Kuina alone, you lewd cook! Or go, okay! I'll be happy to look how she breaks your head! Or I'll do it myself!"

"Get lost, marimo barbarian!"

"You get lost, ero-cook!"

Trafalgar Law closed his eyes. Then he opened his eyes. He'd anticipated that contracting an alliance with the Straw Hats would bring about many surprises, not always pleasant. He hadn't anticipated, though, that the whole crew along with their captain would be so completely unpredictable. The girl on the platform, presently forgotten by her victims, was clenching her fists and stomping her foot. Law felt like poking his tongue at her. It seemed he wasn't the only one not fully prepared for the element called the Straw Hat Pirates.

He didn't notice that the tentacles of intelligent gas had already finished infiltration of his innermost dreams.

RITA was Master Caesar Clown's pride and love. Her analyses were perfect, and her fast adaptation was always right on spot. Slight disturbances mattered not for her splendid power; RITA could outmanoeuvre anyone. The victims kept arguing instead of getting to the clone and let it devour them. Now, however, feeding modules had almost got accustomed to the two men's chaotic movements; soon they would possess their bodies. The third intruder would be another nice surprise for the Master. It wouldn't take much to absorb him as well; the illusion just needed to be slightly modified. In the changing body of the clone, RITA merged the new information with the previously acquired. Her reactions were quick, accurate and absolutely efficient. The change was fluent and immediate.

* * *

Monkey D. Luffy was terribly disappointed.

"Huh! She didn't turn into a bear!"

* * *

Law wanted to grab his two allies by their stupid heads, drag them out of the room and kick heir asses in order to sober them. But he made one mistake.

He glanced at the platform.

"CORA-SAN!"

It was... misplaced. It was obscene, wicked and evil. On the platform, there stood Corazon. He wore his black feather mantle-and a short, red kimono embroidered with leaves and dragons, casually tied at his waist. He had his caricatural make-up, but lacked his claret hood with hearts. Instead, on his friend's bare neck, Law spotted a red ribbon with a red heart.

"Laaaw!" Corazon's face brightened when he called his protégée. Just like before. He was smiling cordially and holding the white katana in his right hand. "Laaaaaw! Come to me!" He swung the sword. "Come and fight me!"

It was off. It was just like before. It was completely crazy. Trafalgar Law knew he should take to his heels without waiting for the others and run away without looking back. But-Cora-san was here! Except for the bathrobe and katana, the illusion was perfect. The captain of the Heart Pirates was unable to look away from that scene. On the platform, Donquixote Rosinante curved his body seductively like a girl from someone's erotic dreams, slashed the air with the katana like someone's dreamed rival and moved towards Law with that painfully familiar smile on his face.

"Come to me! Come, Law!"

Sanji was nervously scratching his throat under his tie. He felt itchy all over as it something had crept on him and bitten. His was dizzy, and his beloved had disappeared.

Or had she really?

Red dressing gown. Gold hair. Red ribbon. The hips were swaying seductively and inviting to come closer. Sanji couldn't turn away from that. He couldn't move. Everything was off. Everything was like it should be. The cook was scratching his skin even tighter. He didn't see the gas cloud spread over his body.

Zoro was nervously scratching the nape of his neck. He felt itchy all over as it something had bitten him and crept on him. His knees were giving in, and Kuina had handed Wadō to some idiot.

Or had she really?

He invited to a duel. He was holding the katana up, tall, with strong tights and stringy, slender arms. He was rising Wadō Ichimonji and requested for a fight. Zoro couldn't turn away from that. He couldn't move. Everything was off. Everything was like it should be. The swordsman was furiously scratching his arms. He didn't see the gas cloud envelope his body.

* * *

"It's boring," Luffy complained. No-one was turning into a bear, after all, and he had enough. If the guys wanted to stand there like bumps on the log and soak with gas, then let them do so, until they finally snapped out of it.

Because, of course, they would snap out of it any moment.

In the meantime, their captain would kick Caesar's ass. Gas or not, Logia or not-the world was full of wonders, yet an ass would always be an ass.

Luffy could kick every ass.

"Caesar. Get down!" The blow strengthened with Haki banged at the ceiling. The scientist, however, didn't fall-didn't do as much as sway. His eyes glistening with the rapture, he was staring at the screens and clapping his hands.

"My sweet! My RITA! Destroy them! Destroy them!"

* * *

RITA was an unrivalled mastery of chemical weapon. She would catch, imprison and kill. The gas molecules gathered on the victims' bodies and started to absorb their energy. Helpless, confused pirates wouldn't be able to run away. Gas had yet to surround the third intruder, indentified as Trafalgar Law, but the man was already immobilised by the faultless illusion.

RITA's clone was a perfect embodiment of the original.

Captain Law's mind had showed the image, and RITA had realised it flawlessly. Including the dreams of the previously caught victims, so that they wouldn't try to leave the trap, the clone had turned into Donquixote Rosinante Corazon in a very detail. The illusion was complete.

Trafalgar Law couldn't take his eyes of it.

In the ideally copied body, RITA spread her arms. For the first victim, she seductively pulled the kimono over her buttocks. For the second victim, she swung the katana provocatively. And for Captain Law, she gave a smile painted with a claret lipstick.

The clone moved towards its victim.

No, it was Donquixote Corazon going for Trafalgar Law. The pirate was beyond saving now.

A ghost. A spectre. A mirage. Law knew that it was but a lousy copy of Corazon, produced by Caesar Clown. A lie. A trap. A bane. But everything matched his memories so well. Even that red kimono didn't offended him-Cora-san would always look great in red. Even that sword and calling for a duel didn't disturb him-Cora-san was a bit crazy. It was-

It was Cora-san.

Trafalgar D. Water Law sighed and gave in to the illusion.

"Cora-san!"

* * *

In the control room, Caesar Clown was bursting with pride. It was his triumph. He leaned forwards from his perch and observed happily how colourless streaks of gas consume his enemies.

Monkey D. Luffy closed his fist and covered it with one layer of Haki. Then another. And yet another. It was high time to end this comedy.

* * *

Black Leg Sanji observed the beauty walking on the platform with a blissful smile. Gold lock on the forehead, sweet smile, broad chest... Eh? Eeh... Let's focus on the gown. Nubile red kimono. Yes. Sanji was at the gates of paradise. There was only one minor thing before he could achieve perfect happiness.

"Marimo... Do me a favour and scratch me under the collar!"

Roronoa Zoro was ready for an exciting match. Kuina's perky face had got blurred, but all he needed to do was to focus on the sword and that inviting hand. Aggressive red kimono, firm hands, strong make-up... Eeh? Eh... A rival with a sword. Yes. Zoro was ready for a great duel. In the way of happiness was only one minor thing.

"Ero-cook... Since you're already here, scratch me below my shoulder blade!"

* * *

Trafalgar Law was waiting for Corazon. He had long since sheathed his sword and lowered his hands, unable to think of consequences, having forgotten all about the trap. It didn't matter where they were and what could happen; Cora-san was here now and was walking towards him. When he tried to look at the whole figure, he had to frown for a moment. A halo of fair hair-and then? Redness of the short bathrobe, seducing curves of hips and aggressively raised sword were getting even harder to ignore.

"Cora-san... Are you crazy?"

* * *

"Not here, lower!"

"Stay still, you scruffy killer. Be happy that I do as much as touch you when I have more important things to do."

"Don't you even stop, lewd cook, or I'll tear your legs from your ass! A duel is awaiting me! Lower!"

In the clone's body, RITA frowned. Her victims were rebelling again, making it difficult for the gas tentacles to feed on them. And Captain Law curved his lips like a wronged ten-years-old kid.

"Cora-san... Are you crazy?"

RITA knew that Master was looking. She activated all molecules and reached the absolute heights of the perfection. Gas filling the room concentrated in the clone's body, allowing even more advance metamorphosis. The perfection was achieved. Corazon was fully himself.

"La-a-a-aw!"

* * *

"Victory!" squealed Caesar triumphantly.

"Boring," Luffy turned away from the screen.

* * *

"Lower!" said Zoro.

"Idiot," said Sanji.

"I love you," declared Donquixote Rosinante.

And then, as befitted Corazon, by the edge of the platform, he tripped over his own legs, flipped forward and smashed on the floor at Law's feet with a loud bang.

"Oh."

The last crooked smile. Due to a sudden shock gas dispersed all over with a hiss, losing every semblance to a human being. The red kimono lasted half a moment longer and then, too, vanished in a shapeless gas cloud.

"That's Cora-san for you," Law summed up glumly.

The cook and the swordsman of the Straw Hats exchanged looks. Then they looked at him. And them grabbed him by his arms and ran away from the laboratory.

* * *

"No!" Caesar Clown stared at the screens in shock.

"Yes!" said Luffy with a wide grin. And then, in a single blow, he knocked the scientist. "I'M GOING TO BEAT YOU TO A PULP, YOU BASTARD!"

"AAAAAaaaaa!"

* * *

RITA, dispersed into thousands of molecules, was sobbing in the corners and trying to come together again. Just outside the room, her would-be victims were quickly recovering.

"Scratch me lower, you lewd cook. And don't breathe on me when smoking!"

"Don't squirm, marimo loser. It's all your fault anyway."

"Yeah, there, there! Scratch, asshole! Hey, where should we go now?"

"Don't bother your empty head with this. With me, you won't get lost, you blind mole. Captain Law? I think... we should go?

The Straw Hats looked at Law questioningly. The man pulled his hat over his ears and fixed his eyes at the floor.

"It was a close call," Sanji muttered, blowing out cigarette smoke. "If not for his tripping..."

"He was handling Wadō Ichimonji quite nicely," Zoro shook his head, moving his back closer to the cook hand. "To come a cropper like that... He must have done that on purpose!"

They both stared at their ally with question, but he remained silent. In thoughts, he was cursing the red kimono-and blessing the Ope Ope no Mi, that could at least partially manipulate its owner's hormones. At present, Trafalgar Law really didn't need another series of erotic dreams about Corazon.

"He had two left hands," he muttered finally. "And two left legs. He was able to trip over even sitting."

"He had nice legs," Sanji admitted.

"He had a nice grip on the hilt," Zoro admitted.

Law sighed and stretched one hand towards the cook. "May I have one?"

"You're smoking?" Sanji asked in a surprise, clicking a lighter.

Law took the lit cigarette between two fingers and observed it for a moment, inhaling the smoke. "It's not for me."

Without looking back, he threw the cigarette over his shoulder into the empty laboratory. In a split second, the flame wall engulfed all dispersed gas molecules of RITA-along with the memory of the red kimono and black feathers.

"Let's go kick Caesar's ass."

The end


End file.
